They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize