stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
