This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
so much tequila, so little girl.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
