the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
