I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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