i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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