I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My breasts were aching with rage.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
