tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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