i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
