Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
