I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
