I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i think i just lost a toe
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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