im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She's the barista slut.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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