I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
