why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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