Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
