I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
