I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
