also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
