the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
