and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
