If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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