so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Randomize
