it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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