It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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