Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
