I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
