Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
