Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
