I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
