i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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