I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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