How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
