I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
