the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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