I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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