before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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