he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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