if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
