aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
