those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
This beer is not sobering me up at all
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
