Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
