By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
