just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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