I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
