he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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