I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
