dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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