he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize