I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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