You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
