Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
