I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
