If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
