I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
