Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
