i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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