I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
