I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
