in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
