i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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