I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
