If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
