The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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