Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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