I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Randomize
