In the future we'll all be gay
why didn't you poke me back
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
