They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Gay?
German.
Pity.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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