he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
