My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
