How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i think i have two assholes
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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