I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
