Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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