matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Randomize
