So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My pussy is not your playground.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
