I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
