Your mouth is God's brothel.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
