i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
