He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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