is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
