ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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