Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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