Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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