I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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