the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
